Big Apple Grapple

There comes a time in everyone's life when we all make important choices that will shape who we will become. This weekend was hopefully one of my life-defining moments. And its all thanks to Vince for talking me into it.

Vince was an avid arm wrestler in the bar scene. I heard tales on the street that he could single handedly arm wrestle 3 drunk frat boys simultaneously- and win. And so it goes.

Each year, New York City hosts the Big Apple Grapple. It is an Arm Wrestling competition where people from all over (including other countries...making it an "international" competition) come to flex their biceps and smack down the competition. This year, the Big Apple Grapple was run in conjunction with the New York City Bar Show. The Bar show is a convention center event where people pay to come see bar stuff- like bar glasses, stoppers, dispensers, liquors, etc. And they get the added bonus of seeing the arm wrestling event as well as a bartending competition.

So, it was 30$ to get into the "Bar Show" but also 30$ if you wanted to get into the Bar Show and also register to compete in the Big Apple Grapple - and you get FREE TSHIRT! Needless to say, it was a no brainer. I always wanted a NYC Arms t-shirt.

Upon arriving, I started sizing up my competition. There were several women there but the challenge was determining who was competing and who was there to cheer on their man. The key was looking at their hand to see if they had a number stamped on it.

I was entered in as an amateur and was in the middle weight class. I'm not exactly sure how many women were signed up for the event - but I think, in total, there were 6. There were for sure 4 in my weight class. So... the announcer comes onto the stage and eventually calls my number. I am really nervous to be on stage in front of all these people, arm wrestling of all things. Whoda thunk it? I am paired up with a woman named Denise (i think). The referee takes our hands and we get our grips. He says, "ready...GO!" and Denise who is much older than me takes me down in about 5 seconds. She has done this many times before. After the match, Denise comes over to say hello. First she tells me about her claim to fame - she was on Howard Stern's "Private Parts" - self described as the "woman who swallowed the 13 inch Kielbasa". Then, she offers to give me some tips... ON ARMWRESTLING! Get your mind outta the gutter. She obviously was quite aware that I have never done this before. She shows me how to grip, how to shape my wrist, etc. This is good because this is a double elimination competition so I have one more to go.

Next, the emcee calls my name again. This time I am paired up to arm wrestle the Canadian National Champion. Oh Crap. Does this mean I am representing the USA here????? Um. Oh. No.

She's a cute woman. Thin, blond, cute pink shirt. I'm thinkin, okay, this isn't so bad. She goes over to the powder - I dont know what kind of powder it is, so let's just call it Arm Wraslin powder. She slathers her hand with the powder and immediately I know she ain't messin around. We go to the post and she gets leverage with one leg by wrapping it around the leg of the table. Oh crap again. We get our grip... I completely forgot everything the Kielbasa lady just taught me... and "Ready, GO!" And its a NEW WORLD RECORD!!! 2 seconds and she had me pinned. Ok, I made up the world record part. So, needless to say. She kicked my butt. But I was on the NBC news and I am famous. In my mind I was the USA representative in the middle weight class. Always good to be famous in our own minds.

The boys fared just as well as I did. Meaning... they lost too. THEY, however, Didn't have to wrestle any champions of other countries. I mean, I think if I got to wrestle some amateurs, I probably coulda held my own. Maybe.


Vince at the Table