Invinceable

This weekend I had an amazing experience that was four years in the making. For those of you who know me well, this will shock and amaze you. And, you will know what it truly took for me to have enough courage to actually do this. This weekend I drove in New York City for the first time.

A little background. I think that my fear of driving started after a couple of friends/acquaintences were killed in car accidents, friends were seriously injured in car accidents, I worked in trucking and heard horror stories about accidents, and was a passenger in a few. Really, most of the time there was no good reason for my fear - mostly irrational. Those accidents mostly happened due to circumstances - those that were killed involved alcohol or drugs. Those that were hurt involved very bad weather. And my experience as a passenger, well, those were legit but not serious accidents at all. Although, my brother was REALLY mad when my ex borrowed his truck and crashed it (I was in the passenger seat).

So, this fear of driving has loomed with me for many many years. When I moved to Salt Lake City, I thought it was such a big city and was scared to drive there. I guess after living in a smaller place in North Carolina anything seemed big. The first year I lived there my ex and my dad drove me to work and picked me up every day because I was afraid to drive in the traffic. If it snowed, even worse. Looking back, it seems completely ridiculous. I thought Salt Lake was this huge metropolis. And yes, it is big, but nothing like where I live now.

After moving to New York, I didn't have any need to drive. I think that in the first two years I lived here, the only driving I did was when I went home to family in Iowa once for a family reunion. Does a tractor count?

Then, I moved to New Jersey. Things weren't quite as accessible as they were in New York, and about a year and a half ago I signed up for Zip Car. It is described as a time share in a car. You pay an annual fee of 50$, then you can rent a car online whenever you wish for about 9-12$ per hour depending on the type of car. It includes 125 miles per use, all of your gas, and insurance. Considering I hadn't paid insurance or a car payment for years, it seemed like a pretty good deal. It started out slow, I would rent once every couple months to do big errands. I got used to driving around my little corner of the world in Jersey. I even ventured into PA with my mom when she was here. She wasn't so convinced of my driving skills. I was a little rusty back then.

Since then, I have rented cars to drive home to North Carolina. Maggie had a car and would always let me borrow it so I really got used to driving. But never in the city. One time, I accidentally turned into the lane for the Holland Tunnel. I think I almost hyperventialted until I realized that there was a side lane where I could get back into NJ after paying the toll. Phew.

So, I rented a car this weekend. Fernando had offered to make me dinner in Queens if I wanted to drive over there. Nothing more motivating than a person you really like cooking you dinner to help you get over the fear of driving through New York City. I decided to do it.

All the way to the Holland Tunnel from my house I had to take deep breaths. I was so nervous about the whole thing. I hit the tunnel and then realized as I was going through that it wasn't so bad. When I hit the end, I was overcome with emotion. You know those times when it feels like your emotions run through you and flush from your head all the way to your toes in a hot rush... well that's what happened. As soon as I saw the "Manhattan" sign. And then, as if a switch went off, I was an old pro. I think it really helped that I had taken car service home about 5,000 times from work when I lived on the Upper East Side because I knew exactly where to go. I made it to Queens without a problem. Got lost going back home... but that's another story.