A Tale of Two Toilets

Double Vanity?

This blog continues my story of Miami. I had a wonderful time there. The weather was great, the people seemed nice, and I got an earful of Spanish on every corner. I enjoyed it immensely. But, there was something strange about Miami, and I figured it out at the airport.

I go into the bathroom to pee prior to my delayed flight leaving. I usually go into the handicapped stall because I have theories about it. I could be totally wrong and completely making myself believe untrue things, but I like to tell myself that the handicapped stall is "less used". It's never the first, most convenient stall. This to me makes no sense; you think they would CATER to the handicapped and put them closer. And, its usually always clean - meaning the person before didn't pee on the seat and also was kind enough to flush the toilet. So, my own personal logic makes me believe that since it is farther away, and since most people are inherently lazy (also something I tell myself), it MUST be less used. If available, I always choose this spot. Plus it usually has nice bars attached to the walls to hold yourself up when squatting (probably the reason the likelihood for pee on the seat is diminished). God forbid I have to use those quad muscles I work so hard to beat into shape at the gym.

Now that you know my habits for public toilet selection, I can continue with the story.

So, I go into the handicapped stall, and to my surprise, there are two toilets. Facing each other. Directly. In ONE stall. Now, I have been in those fancy handicapped stalls that have their own sink, soap, and towels. BUT, I have NEVER been in one with two toilets. As I am peeing, I am thinking about what it would be like for someone to be sitting directly across from me, a foot between us, peeing at the same time. A little too weird to imagine. I am so amazed with this concept that I decide I must have a picture for my blog. I try to look between the narrow opening in the stall door to see if anyone is in the bathroom. The coast looks clear. I break out my camera and forget to turn off the flash. All of the sudden, boom! A big bright flash that I am reasonably sure could be seen all over the entire bathroom. I open the door slowly to leave, and the lady washing her hands at the sink gives me a look like I am some kind of sick-o. Apparently she saw the flash.

Just to make her more uncomfortable, I saddle up next to her at the sink to wash my hands. And smile at her in the mirror.

As a side note, I had posted this picture on flickr along with some others. I sent the link out to my friends for the other pictures, but some of them ventured off perusing all the recent pics on my site. Vince, Fernando's friend, sent me an email about the picture saying something to the effect of "Can't have too many bathroom pictures.". After explaining the situation to him, he told me that he has seen this before - he knows a couple that have a toilet set up like this that has been the source of many a joke. Why do they have this set up?? Something about sharing magazines. Go figure. Magazines to me equals NUMBER 2. Sorry, not sharing my number 2 with anyone. Can someone pass the air freshener?

Bienvenidos a Miami

Biscayne Bay

Randomly, I ended up in Miami today. On Friday, it was business as usual at work when a coworker came over to the guy that sits next to me to explain that he wasn't going to be able to attend the Miami recruiting event and needed to find someone to go in his place. I have been complaining about the cold (despite my completely deceptive last post on how I am USED to the winter and able to live in it - trying to trick myself I think). So my complaints have grown more frequent over the last few weeks. This usually happens this time of year when I can't stand the cold anymore and just want a break. This was my perfect opportunity to get away from the cold and enjoy some warm weather. So, I whip around in my chair and immediately offer up myself to go in his place. About 20 minutes later, I was booking my trip to Miami.

Due to some problems (apparently I don't know how to hit the "Submit" button at the end of setting up reservations), I ended up having to go to Miami earlier than expected. The flight I thought I had booked for myself wasn now full. So, I left Monday morning and instead of arriving later in the day, ended up having to fly first class, and then finally arrived in Miami around noon - after a bloody mary and two little bottles of wine. I promptly checked into my hotel, changed into my bikini, and walked down to bask in the sun. Not more than two minutes after finding my perfect place, I ordered a Pina Colada to get the full experience. I fell asleep shortly after making a few phone calls to friends and family to rub it in.


Me and My Pina Colada

I took a nice bath later in my fabu upgraded room. Then took myself to a great dinner overlooking the Biscayne Bay. I even ordered dessert. Yummmmmmmm. I now feel the need to lose 5 lbs.

Later that night, I met up with the other people from work who were on a later flight. I didn't really know most of them prior to going on the trip - had seen them around. It is always nice to get out of your day to day element and spend time with different people. Especially people where I work. I don't want to sound like a snob, but our company prides itself on finding the cream of the crop, and in my last 5 years there I really have met many high caliber, smart, funny, interesting people. Always a pleasure.

The next day was spent interviewing candidates at the University of Miami. Sometimes it blows my mind what people will say in an interview. Around 1pm the blackout hit Miami mid-interview. People were stuck in the elevators, late for interviews because of trains, etc. It was a very strange day. I was secretly hoping that all the flights would be messed up from the blackout so that I would have to stay an extra day. But, no dice.


Our group had dinner at Versailles - a famous Cuban place to go eat in Miami. Based on the descriptions of it being one of the best places to eat in Miami, think we were all suprised when we arrived. The place was pretty much a mom and pop joint and it had a Diner-ish quality to it. Not exactly what we expected. The food was pretty decent and we topped it off with mojitos (when in Rome...) We flew back to New York that night.


The Crew from Work

Loitering in Long Island City

Even though I really dislike the cold, I have learned to live in it. What I mean by this is that I no longer confine myself to the indoors for the winter. I never used to do that as a kid living in Minnesota - I was always out in the snow building snow forts and tunnels, playing magazine hockey and ice skating wiht my friends. But, after I moved to North Carolina, I became spoiled by mild weather. Then Utah was a shock for me. Except for the Olympics and some skiing, the only time I really went outdoors in the winter in Utah was to sit in my hot tub. Doesn't really count. I loathed the cold and did my best to avoid it.

Then I moved to New York. I was forced to be in the cold. I had to walk to the subway because I no longer had a car. I also no longer had a back yard for the dogs so three times a day I found myself outdoors. Everything required a trip outside: groceries, laundry, post office, etc.

I gradually built up my tolerance to being out in the cold again. Now, I don't let it stop me from doing things in the winter. Remember my pictures of the Gates in Central Park? Perfect example. Even though winter's not my favorite, I have learned to go outside.

So, Fernando and I decided to go for a long walk to the East River in Long Island City from Sunnyside on Sunday. My favorite times spent with him are like this. We just hang out and talk about anything that comes up. We sat by the water for a while, then found an Irish pub for some soup (which he was forced to pay for since he lost a bet - just had to point that out) I love days like this... no agenda, just chillin.

Science Center

Today I introduced Fernando to the Jersey City brunch crew. Brunch was at my friend Dan's place. Sometimes we all go out to brunch at a restaurant, but sometimes we all just kick it at one of our houses. I say "kick it" just for Maggie. I think Fernando was suprised (in a good way) that we all get together like this at people's houses and I think he enjoyed it.

After brunch, Fernando and I headed over to the liberty science center because there was an exhibition there on race that I wanted to see. That didn't end up being my favorite exhibit there that day though. Ironically, my favorite thing was the fish - a couple of big tanks that displayed the more popular fish found in our region. They were so cool. Turtles too!. I think Fernando's favorite part was this big metal curtain-like thing that you could send ripples through by sliding a handle back and forth. Funny that we were both more intrigued by the simpler displays. Big kids we are.

That night, we had dinner at Canyon Road with my good friend Christine and her husband Carl. They gave Fernando "two thumbs up" in a text message to me the next day. I agree.

Hoboken Pool

My friend Christine sent out an invite to the girls for a night out playing pool in Hoboken. It started out snowing the night before and snowed most of the day, and they decided to reschedule. I had already invited Fernando and Vince, and still wanted to play pool with them. I knew that if I used a few carefully chosen words in a reply email to my single girlfriends that I could get them to still come out and change their minds. I hit reply and said that I was still going because I was meeting some guys there and that if anyone still wanted to go... etc etc. It took about 5 minutes and I got the anticipated response..."Cute guys?" That's all it took.

Trannys in the Loo

Fernando invited me to come out after work to hang out with him and his softball pals. They are gearing up for their upcoming season and had a preliminary get-together. We had a few beers, then headed toward the train with one of his friends. We were having a discussion about people in Manhattan and dating, which we decided warranted another beer. So, we stopped at a dive bar along the way to the train for one last hurrah. The place had some interesting women who we were pretty sure were actually men. After my trip to the ladies room and seeing the toilet seat left up, I was reasonably sure and reported back on my findings. I have no issues with any of this except one thing: Boys, if you are going to dress and act like girls, don't do it half ass. At least act like a lady (or be considerate of those who don't have the same hidden man parts) and put the seat down when you are done! I don't normally care about the whole seat thing - and it doesn't bother me in my own personal bathroom, but when I have to touch a public toilet in a dive bar in the LADIES ROOM it's just not cool. At least they had soap.

There Will Be Blood In Bruges

The last two movies I have seen have not been the greatest. If anyone is contemplating seeing There Will Be Blood, stop yourself. How do movies like this get put up for best picture? Daniel Day Lewis did a good job in his role, but the whole story line was long and drawn out. The other movie I just saw was In Bruges. Depressing. I wasn't very excited about that one either. It did have some funny parts, but the entire rest of the movie was such a downer. Fernando picked both the movies. F - if you are reading this, yes, I am blaming your choices and declare that I shall pick our next movie. It might even be a CHICK FLICK. Nah, I wouldn't do that to you.

Kingpin

Haven't been bowling in a long time, but today Fernando and I decided to go and tear up the lanes. I talked some trash even though I know my highest score ever was a 138. It's just fun to spur on some competition. Our first game was neck and neck, ending with a 102 (me) and 104 (F). The second game turned up the head and I think we both amazed ourselves. Despite my turkey (YES, I GOT A TURKEY!), I still didn't beat him! I do now have a new all-time high score. He finished with 185, me with a 175. Woo hoo. He suggested that I text the score to my dad and thank him for signing me up for the Brunswick bowling leagues all those years when I was a kid. It had finally paid off.

The kicker was when we went to pay. Holy Smokes! Don't ever go bowling in Manhattan unless you are a)willing to blow a wad of cash or b)are attending a company sponsored event.

Shoes - 12$
Appetizers and Diet Coke - 20$
2 Games - 40$
Beer and Coke during the game - 15$
Beating your high score from when you were 10 years old? Priceless? Not.

Valentine's Day

Hooray for actually being able to spend Valentine's Day with a guy instead of a bottle of wine. (Or actually, being able to spend it with a guy AND a bottle of wine, BONUS). It was so much more enjoyable. I made dinner... and Fernando was sweet and brought me chocolate and the wine.

This was a really great Valentine's Day.. but that doesn't really make a good story to read, now does it. I can't remember a Vday better than this one. It could be because I have a bad memory, but I doubt it. So, to make the story more interesting to read, I am going to tell you about the worst Valentines Day I ever had. February of 1997. I was living in Asheville, North Carolina.

I got a phone call from my significant other earlier in the day saying that he wanted to take me to dinner. He was a recruiter for the Marine Corps at the time. He said he would be off work around 5 and would come home and pick me up for dinner. At 5pm I get another call, the recruiters were going to go out for a drink after work and his Gunny Sgt was insistent that he go, so could we plan on 7pm instead. Sure, I say. I am pretty easy going so it wasn't really a problem. At 7:30 he's was still not home. This pre-dated common cell phone usage, so neither of us had one. I had no idea where he was. At 8:30, still not home. 9:30 I'm torn between being pissed off and worrying about whether something has happened and if I should be calling hospitals. Eventually, I go up to bed. About 1am he shows up completely ripped. I go downstairs, because now the mad has taken over the worry, and am prepared to give him a piece of my mind but then realize it will do no good. He proceeds to lay down on the tile in the bathroom and gets sick. I leave him in the mess and go back up to bed.

The next day, he's made at me for leaving him and not cleaning up, and I am not speaking to him. About 7pm at work (I was a bartender), a big balloon and flower arrangement arrives. I chuck it. I mean, c'mon, seriously, too late. Funny how we can vividly remember the bad one's.

Tigers and Dragons and Rats, Oh My

The year of the Rat. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was donning my favorite red dress to usher in the year of the Fire Pig. Now the Rat. Just a question - who picked these animal to be in the zodiac? I can understand the goat, the rabbit, tigers, etc.. but pigs and rats? Ok, I can even understand the pig to some degree - after all, from pigs come yummy bacon, ham and pork loin roasts. But Rats? It conjures up images of dirty, wet, stinky subways for me. And really, who wants to have that as their Zodiac sign? Watch, it's probably my sign.

Just checked it. Phew...I'm a rabbit.

In my few years that I have been in NY, I have always wanted to go to the Chinese New Year Parade. Something about seeing those dragon costumes just excites the little kid inside of me. Wow, I sound like a shredded wheat commercial where the adult turns into the kid after eating the "frosted" side.

This year, I was finally able to go. Fernando and I headed to the parade and it was all that I had imagined: tons of colorful confetti flying through the streets of Chinatown while dragons danced their way past the peking duck house and other chinese markets in 30 degree weather. Loved it..! But after about 20 minutes in the cold and crowd I was done. Later that day, Fernando and I walked over the Brooklyn Bridge and checked out the transit museum, which was cooler than I thought it would be. The favorite part: Wandering through the old subway cars and looking at the advertisements from each time period. And it was free. Always a nice touch.


Can you guess why I took this picture... yes I am immature. I thought it was Fukien funny. Fukien American Association.



Umm...slightly at a loss for words on this on. I know this is not PC but what is this guy doing in the parade?

Primary Colors

Today was primary election day and I went to vote. It was a hard decision for me. As most of you know, I am a democrat. But this year, the choice was harder than usual. Most of the time, I look at the candidates' stance on important topics. But, this time I looked for strategy. It's unfortunate, but I think that our country still has a lot of closed-minded people that would never elect a woman or a black man into the office of president. For me, this time, it was all about which candidate I thought might be able to open some of those minds and actually give the Republicans a run for their money. After weighing my options and consulting with one of my Democrat friends, I cast my vote. We will see how it all turns out. May the best win! (Ha, you thought I would say "May the best Man win" and then you would have been able to figure out who I voted for! I'm not giving it up that easy!) Whoever ends up winning in the end, I hope that they will lead with both their heart and their head.

Superbowl Sunday

Fernando invited me to go with him and Vince up to a friend's house to watch the Superbowl game in Long Beach. Vince was kind enough to pick me up which was a nice treat - especially considering he had heated seat warmers. Nice how such a small thing and really make my day. You know that saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff".. well I think they should make another saying "Enjoy the Small Stuff". I think too many times people are looking for the big stuff that they miss out on all the little things that can make them happy. I think happiness comes in crumbs, not loaves. Or better yet, scoops not gallons. Because the first little bite always is going to ta st the same as the last bite right? (Unless there are Spanish peanuts and Hershey's chocolate sauce involved like when I was a kid growing up on Sunday nights, then it's a whole other story).

I digress - what's new. So back to the story. We arrive at Fernando's friend's house and, although I am generally a social butterfly, I am suddenly slightly terrified. I don't know why. I mean, these people all seem like they are nice but I guess because there are so many people I don't know that are friends with Fernando, it's different. I'm such an extroverted person and am normally not like this. I talk to the most random people all the time, why is it now that I am socially timid? Who knows. I try to make sure that I sit in the living room amongst people I don't know to ensure I am able to meet others and talk to them. About 45 minutes into it, I start to relax a little. By the end of the night I was running with the big dogs back in my element. Fernando and I had won several of the Superbowl side bets and needed to play some poker to give people a chance to win their money back. I made it several rounds (and several farther than the two boys might I add) but it was getting late. So, I went all in and lost. It was a lot of fun and his friends were great.

On the way home, Vince dropped off Fernando and then the two of us listened to most of The Wall Pink Floyd album. Good end to a good day. Go Giants.

Say Uncle

It's Friday night in the big city and I have plans. These are not my normal Friday night plans which usually consist of either a)falling asleep after too much internet surfing, blogging, emailing in bed with the dogs or b)same scenario but add wine and maybe a good book. Ok, that's kind of a like since the last month and a half has been slightly abnormal due to Maggie's impending departure and my new and exciting dating schedule. Tonight I had plans for the latter. Fernando has asked me to join him on the UES (Upper East Side for non-New Yorkers)to play pool with some of his friends. While I'm flattered that he likes me enough to introduce me to his friends, I am a bit nervous because friends can have a lot of influence when it comes to dating. In general, we all know that if the friends hate you, its pretty much not going to go anywhere. Not that I am concerned with people hating me, I think I have, for the most part, a fairly pleasant disposition. I still worry anyway because I am a chick and that's what we do. I can only be myself and hope that people like me for who I am. And if they don't like me, they must have some serious mental problems :). If I pretend to be someone I am not, then eventually the "real" me would be discovered anyway! Personally, I happen to like the real me, and so should everyone else dammit.

So, I meet up with Fernando after trekking through what seems like a monsoon during the middle of winter. I feel like a wet dog when I get to the bar and proceed to have to take my socks off because they are wet. I know, sexy. Shortly thereafter, I meet his friend, who I will call Vince just because I want to be an ass and I know it will probably annoy him. You see, he kinda looks like Vince Vaughn and has heard it probably 1,000 times. I, of course, didn't refrain from pointing it out about 5 minutes after I met him, to which he responded that he normally "gets Morgan Freeman".

Another friend shows up a little later but has a nickname I can't remember. Damn me and my crappy memory. I remember he was Polish - does that count? Just for shits and giggles, let's call him ... HOLD PLEASE, I hate to break up this whole rambling but there is a guy on TV playing a harmonica with his nose. I know most of you know that I don't have TV service at home, so I should preface this with the fact that I am an unwilling viewer today on an airplane and have been subjected to this. I WOULD NOT have willfully chosen this show. Ok, back to story... the story was mostly about Fernando liking me enough to introduce me to his friends, which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (it was either that or the jager shots that kept mysteriously appearing). So this is a nice little story but really not that interesting UNTIL....

Our waitress was a cute girl - probably about 22 or something, and looked kinda like Amanda Peet. She was a nice girl. A few hours into the evening, she came by to take the credit card for the bill and Fernando paid. She comes back and starts a whole conversation about his name on his credit card. I won't claim to have the best recollection of the conversation but it went something like this:

Amanda: So, how did you get a name like this?
Then Fernando tells a story about his family history... My great grandfather..blah blah..met so and so and yada yada yada.. "Then they moved to Woodlawn".
Amanda: Really!? Woodlawn?! My family is from there!

At this point, I am thinking, where is she going with this? It really seems to me that she is hitting on him, yet she knows he came in with me. Hmmm. Slight tinge of jealously toward the young cute girl. But, then the clincher comes.

Amanda: If your family lives in Woodlawn, then I'll bet you probably know my Uncle (insinuating that they are the same age).

At that point, I start laughing and promptly turn around and walk away. Vince does the same. I was told that the waitress turned around and left about 5 seconds later - probably after realizing what she had done. Poor Fernando was left there shocked and alone. Don't worry, Vince and I returned a few minutes later from our respective hide-outs.

As a side note, apparently I had met Vince before at the Christmas party where I met Fernando, but I have such a bad memory that I had no idea and acted like it was my first time meeting him. Great first impressions.

Note to all of my friends: If I ever do stupid stuff like this (i.e. forget I met people, forget to introduce you to people, forget to offer you a beverage or food when you come to my house, and the list goes on) please remember that I REALLY am not trying to be rude...I just forget these little social things sometimes. Please don't hold it against me.